wake-up-kid:

runwhenisayrunfightwhenisayfight:

ahorsecalledhonour:

fixthefisherking:

banjaxed:

nightlifemingus:

nosdrinker:

hypnotiqradiance:

If you don’t get this reference, you’re too young for tumblr.

are you fucking kidding me pixar puts out a movie ever year a baby would get this reference

it’s not pixar it’s a reference to that time in 1994 when lamps became sentient humanoids

many were lost that day

It was a grim day for mankind. My parents took refuge in a cave and thus saved us from certain death; we lived close to a lamp factory at the time and the surrounding region was utterly devastated in the conflict.

My brother fought one off using only an egg whisk and a pogo stick.

Only 90s kids remember the Lampocalypse

My father still has the scars from where one stole his kidney

Ironically, it was a dark time.

(Source: brennablueskies)

brolininthetardis:

fuckingrecipes:

SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP PUTTING ICE CUBES IN YOUR LEMONADE. YOU WANT FIX YOUR WATERY LEMONADE? ADMITTING THERE’S A PROBLEM IS THE FIRST STEP TO STOP BEING A PUSSY, AND MOVING ON TO BEING A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER. 

GET SOME FRUIT.

BLUEBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, PEACHES, LEMONS, LIMES, FUCK I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE PAPAYA OR MANGO! GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE AND PUNCH SOME BUSHES UNTIL IT CRIES FOR MERCY AND HANDS YOU YOUR GODDAMN FRUIT. 

BERRIES YOU CAN JUST SHOVE INTO THE ICEBOX AND GO CONQUER A COUNTRY WHILE YOU WAIT A DAY FOR IT TO FREEZE.

PEACHES AND NECTARINES, FUCK, YOU CAN EAT THE DAMN SKIN ON THOSE! TAKE OUT THAT MACHETE YOU KEEP IN YOUR BACK POCKET, BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN A DINOSAUR COULD COME KNOCKING AND MOTHERFUCKERS NEED TO BE PREPARED, THEN HACK THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER INTO SLICES. 

NOW PUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS IN YOUR FREEZER. 

YOU’RE A CITRUS KINDA ASSHOLE? 

TAKE THE SKIN OFF YOUR CITRUS AND RECYCLE THAT SHIT! SAVE THE WHALES, YOU HARCORE MOTHERFUCKER. 

I BET YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, WITH THE FREEZER. 

FUCK. 

WHEN YOUR FRUIT IS FROZEN, USE THEM INSTEAD OF ICE CUBES TO KEEP YOUR DRINK AS COLD AS A SNOWMAN’S FROSTY DICK, AND MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR MAYBE ONLY YOUR PETS SAY ‘WOW WHAT A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER’

IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC TYPE OF SHITHEAD, YOU CAN PUT YOUR FROZEN-ASS FRUIT INTO RUM OR VODKA OR SOME SHIT. 

NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A COLD, FLAVORED DRINK, BUT YOU’LL GET YOUR DAILY SERVINGS OF FRUIT. YOU SNEAKY LITTLE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS ASSHOLE. 

TASTES LIKE GODDAMN VICTORY, THAT’S WHAT. 

#AGGRESSIVELY FOLLOWS THIS BLOG

So I have a new favourite blog.

neil-gaiman:

I was going to explain this photo, and then I decided that a caption competition would be more fun.

Photographer: www.markmanne.com

“Well, that’s one way to hit the high notes.”

yummytomatoes:

Summer

Get out of my head.